felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
