apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
