had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
