So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
