I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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