Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How external is "for external use only"?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
