the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
