every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Are my feet made of real feet?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
