Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
