They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
