Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize