I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
