I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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