i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
