If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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