Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
