Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
