I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my vagina is haunted
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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