I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
