My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
