ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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