How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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