I bet he comes in French.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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