my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
