it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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