1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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