Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize