I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
