I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize