I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My liver is preforming stress tests.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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