i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
