just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
