She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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