"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're like the curious george of whores
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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