I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
