When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
