i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
