ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
