I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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