Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
