How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
