Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
