I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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