They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
