My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
