Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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