Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
