I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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