Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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