how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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