fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
