shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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