I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
