I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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