Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
