is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
