When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
