I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
