i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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