im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
