if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
