i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
