Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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