I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
