dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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