Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
