my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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