I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
