I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
