I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
