you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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