i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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