Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
