You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
